I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
