ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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