Nicole vs. Life
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
