cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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