DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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