You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
