So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
