3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
