I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
