I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
