that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
