Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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