I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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