be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
