Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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