sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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