i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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