Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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