I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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