i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
