And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
