Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
