there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
