I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
