I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
