You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
