she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize