And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
