thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
