i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
