I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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