youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
