puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
