Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had sex on a roof
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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