there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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