In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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