his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
