My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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