We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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