The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
