how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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