Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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