if you like me you must not know who I am
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Randomize
