That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
