My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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