My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
