Your tits are I can't wait for
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm like, not good at living.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
