omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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