You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
