I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
