I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
