Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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