you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
