I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How does one acquire holy water?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
