Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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