oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
