He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
