sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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