He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
