Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
