I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
