You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
