"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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