I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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