How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
