Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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