We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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