Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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