so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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