You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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