It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
