apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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