Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
