i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
