It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
