His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
