dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
