I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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