I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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