There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
