We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My friends, they love my intelligence
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
