Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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