she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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