im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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