i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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