I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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